After weeks of going back and forth, we were living like boyfriend and girlfriend as opposed to husband and wife.

Oh wait, no. Boyfriends and girlfriends have sex don’t they?

So yeah no.

We were like roommates who happened to share a bed.

He would do small things for me, like paint things, but not pay any bills or make any commitments.

Although he’d asked for the separation…

he.just.wouldn’t.leave.

In fact, most days, he would act as if nothing was wrong at all.

It was weird. He was still going to his part-time job, (I think.) Still working on his various creative projects. Acting like nothing was wrong to his family and friends.

He was still coming home every night.

He seemed to be completely ignoring the big-ass neon sign that was now hanging over his head like a mutant SIMS plumbob that read:

THIS MAN IS LEAVING YOU.

I think the first time I noticed the sign was that morning that he made me eggs. The day after he announced that “he needed space”.

Now it was always on. 

Blinking at me like a tacky Vegas casino marquis.

The glow alone would wake me up in the middle of the night.

The buzzing of the neon would drown out whatever he was saying to me when he would speak.

Sometimes the sign was so bright and blatantly obnoxious, that I would often look at him like he was crazy when he would ask me…

“What’s wrong?”

This time, I just blink slowly and tilt my head, regarding him like you would a 6 year old who’s just asked you what a condom is.

“Nothing.”

I sigh and walk away.

My husband’s strange behavior went on for a few more weeks.

Well it wasn’t strange to him.

He seemed to be perfectly comfortable following the script he wrote in his head…

One day he asks for a separation, then the next he’s cooking for me, and the the next he’s yelling that I’m cold and inconsiderate. Then I walk in the house and he wraps his arms around me just holding me breathing into my neck, and within the hour he’s cutting his eyes at me from across the room and shaking his head like I’m the biggest disappointment.

Ever.

I was SO against separating, because I wanted to really roll up our sleeves and see if we could work on our problems together.

Now I’m not so convinced.

There is yelling. And touching. And staring. And kissing. And ignoring.

His erratic behavior makes me more and more uncomfortable.

In the immortal words of Jay-Z…

“You’re twitching. Don’t DO that. You’re making me nervous.”

In lieu of an entourage of strapped thugs in body armor, I have a very unique way of dealing with threatening or emotionally stressful situations. I carefully remove said emotions from the situation at hand so that I can handle said emergency rationally. I’m not saying that this is the most healthy way to handle things, but trust me, I’ve had years of practice, so the switch is practically imperceptible to the naked eye.

There will be time for crying and hair-pulling later when we get to therapy.

One of my brothers calls it “Spock mode”.

My other brother and I usually tell him to shut up and stop being illogical. 🙂

So I do what I do best. I assess the situation.

I am now uncomfortable in my own home. This situation is unacceptable. Therefore the source of the problem must be removed from the situation in order for balance to be restored.

In this case, the source of said problem would be him.

I decide right then and there not to fight it anymore.

He’s got to go.